swansong2's Blog

  An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
with patients.
  
    As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the
receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo
wrestler. He gave her his name.
  
    In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,     'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'
  
    All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around
to look at the very embarrassed man.
  
    He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,   'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'


  DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.   This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."   The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."   "Don't make such a big deal out of this, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.   His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask,  "So, how long have you been wearing one?"   "Ever since my wife found it in my truck..."

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started....

*******************************************************
*****************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curl y silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

*******************************************************
****************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked,' Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started..... 
   ******************************************************
*****************    I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things
just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started..... 

Wonder why All News Stations report crime as it is happening instead of reporting why

these criminals are out on the streets in the first place? It seems after the report on the

crime itself is done the next words we hear are "the criminal has a lenghty arrest record

including multiple violent crimes. Could we not force the hand of our ELECTED officials if

the reporters would ask the judges that keep letting these thugs off with sometimes not

even a slap on the wrist WHY? If the ELECTED officials were to be in the spotlight

everytime one of their convicted and released criminals commited ANOTHER crime then

the public might be able to make better decisions when it is time to vote again. Just a

thought, Chime in if you will

  I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year. Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel. I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose. (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot) Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck! I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I rece ive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I can no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwaveanymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day.... Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

The Nine Satanic Sins 

 

 

Stupidity

 

The top of the list for Satanic Sins. The Cardinal Sin of Satanism. It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. Satanists must learn to see through the tricks and cannot afford to be stupid.

 

Pretentiousness

 

Empty posturing can be most irritating and isn't applying the cardinal rules of Lesser Magic. On equal footing with stupidity for what keeps the money in circulation these days. Everyone's made to feel like a big shot, whether they can come up with the goods or not.

 

Solipsism

 

Can be very dangerous for Satanists. Projecting your reactions, responses and sensibilities onto someone who is probably far less attuned than you are. It is the mistake of expecting people to give you the same consideration, courtesy and respect that you naturally give them. They won't. Instead, Satanists must strive to apply the dictum of "Do unto others as they do unto you." It's work for most of us and requires constant vigilance lest you slip into a comfortable illusion of everyone being like you. As has been said, certain utopias would be ideal in a nation of philosophers, but unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, from a Machiavellian standpoint) we are far from that point.

 

Self-deceit

 

It's in the Nine Satanic Statements but deserves to be repeated here. Another cardinal sin. We must not pay homage to any of the sacred cows presented to us, including the roles we are expected to play ourselves. The only time self-deceit should be entered into is when it's fun, and with awareness. But then, it's not self-deceit!

 

Herd Conformity

That's obvious from a Satanic stance. It's all right to conform to a person's wishes, if it ultimately benefits you. But only fools follow along with the herd, letting an impersonal entity dictate to you. The key is to choose a master wisely instead of being enslaved by the whims of the many.

 

 

 

 

Lack of Perspective

 

Again, this one can lead to a lot of pain for a Satanist. You must never lose sight of who and what you are, and what a threat you can be, by your very existence. We are making history right now, every day. Always keep the wider historical and social picture in mind. That is an important key to both Lesser and Greater Magic. See the patterns and fit things together as you want the pieces to fall into place. Do not be swayed by herd constraints -- know that you are working on another level entirely from the rest of the world.

 

Forgetfulness of Past Orthodoxies

 

Be aware that this is one of the keys to brainwashing people into accepting something "new" and "different," when in reality it's something that was once widely accepted but is now presented in a new package. We are expected to rave about the genius of the "creator" and forget the original. This makes for a disposable society.

 

Counterproductive Pride

 

That first word is important. Pride is great up to the point you begin to throw out the baby with the bathwater. The rule of Satanism is: if it works for you, great. When it stops working for you, when you've painted yourself into a corner and the only way out is to say, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I wish we could compromise somehow," then do it.

 

Lack of Aesthetics

 

This is the physical application of the Balance Factor. Aesthetics is important in Lesser Magic and should be cultivated. It is obvious that no one can collect any money off classical standards of beauty and form most of the time so they are discouraged in a consumer society, but "an eye" for for beauty, for balance, is an essential Satanic tool and must be applied for greatest magical effectiveness. It's not what's supposed to be pleasing -- it's what is. Aesthetics is a personal thing, reflective of one's own nature, but there are universally pleasing and harmonious configurations that should not be denied.

 

Anton Szandor LaVey, 1987 c.e.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am posting this in the news section because it directly relates to a news story from the other day.

I was interviewed today by a college student that was doing a paper on euthanasia.

She asked some well thought out questions. I was wondering how my answers would differ from everyone elses given my turpitude.

in a nut shell,here are some of the questions she asked me:

(in regards to terminal illness, severe chronic pain) 

Why do some persons feel the need to end life?  Would they necessarily have to be predisposed to suicide?

Are there needs that could be met to dissuade an individual from choosing euthanasia?

Do spouses or loved ones that assist with euthanasia deserve jail time? What if the person was so sick they could not make that decision on their own and the loved one ended their lives anyway?

What are the drawbacks to euthanasia? What are the drawbacks to keeping a person alive that chooses euthanasia?

Would you be able to end your loved ones life if they so requested?

The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth

 

I  Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

 

 

II  Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure that they want to hear them.

 

 

III  When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

 

 

IV  If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

 

 

V  Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

 

 

VI  Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the person and he cries out to be relieved.

 

 

VII  Acknowledge the power of magic if you have used it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

 

 

VIII  Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

 

 

IX  Do not harm little children.

 

 

X  Do not kill non-human animals unless attacked or for your food.

 

 

XI  When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

 

 

Anton Szandor LaVey, 1967 c.e.

 

The Nine Satanic Statements

I
Satan represents indulgence, instead of abstinence!

II
Satan represents vital existence, instead of spiritual pipe dreams!

III
Satan represents undefiled wisdom, instead of hypocritical self-deceit!

IV
Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it, instead of love wasted on ingrates!

V
Satan represents vengeance, instead of turning the other cheek!

VI
Satan represents responsibility to the responsible, instead of concern for psychic vampires!

VII
Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all fours, who, because of his "divine spiritual and intellectual development, has become the most vicious animal of all!

VIII
Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!

IX
Satan is the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!

When Blogging please have enough character  NOT to delete comments that set the Blogger straight. I can see if the comments violate the TOS but dont do it just because you cant stand to let others see that what was written has a ring of truth and shows where the Blogger was wrong.

I will even post this in the correct category because this isnt news, faith, music, sports, weather, traffic, or political which means the closest is entertainment

Someone at Fox spends a lot of time setting up and maintaining this blog site for us to use.

They have set it up so that we can write our own posts.

They have set it up so that we can comment on other bloggers posts.

They have even given us the power to delete when we think it necessary (and when not).

One of the best things that they have done for us on this site is given us the opportunity to post our blogs under different categories.

They have given us the "news" category. I would assume that is for blogs about current events.

They have given us the "political" category. I would assume that I could go there to find out about the presidential race or what is happening in congress.

They have given us the "sports" category. There I am sure I would be able to find out such things as who one todays race at the Monster Mile.

I also saw a category for "faith". Now if I was a religous or spiritual person this is where I would go to read prayers or sightings of your God or Jesus.

Ahhhhh the "Music" category. Here one should be able to get concert info or best band info along with maybe a review of a new group.

In the "weather" category I would expect to see such blogs as "T.S. Alma not heading our way" or "no rain in sight".

As far as the "Entertainment" category goes, I think this is what would be the "catchall" for the rest of the blogs such as the jokes,riddles, movie reviews, actor/actress surveys and such.

Now for the life of me I cant understand why we use all of the nice things Fox has given us except the ability to post in what should be the proper category.

It seems that bloggers are so afraid that no one will read their post unless they plaster it right there under the news category.

Or they are so excited about having a thought that they actually got put into words that they just hit enter without looking to see under which category it will be posted.

Either way it all falls down to the fact that if we want to read a short but well meaning prayer we should go to the faith category. If we want to read about what someone learned in college we should go to the entertainment category. If we want to read about where someone wants their career to go we should also look under entertainment. If we want to read about the American symbols we should go to the political category, and last but not least if someone wants to know how to fix something how about posting it on the one place I forgot to mention the "community Boards".

A woman woke up one night to a strange sound.

She rolled over to wake her husband up to find he wasnt there.

Alarmed, she got out of bed and walked out of the bedroom.

As she got closer to the kitchen the sound was getting louder.

She peeked into the kitchen and saw her husband at the table sobbing uncontrollably.

She rushed over and put her arm around him and asked what was wrong.

He looked at her with tear filled eyes and asked her if she remembered when her father caught them having sex when they were sixteen.

She answered YES and asked why that would make him cry.

He answered remember when he said we either had to get married or I would go to jail for twenty years?

Yes she said

To that he replied I would be getting out tomorrow

Ok Media plays a big role in our lives, whether it be from movies, news, or music.

I have seen Bloggers reference these things in their blogs from time to time.

What are some things that fit into how we would describe our lives at the present time.

I have been reading the blogs here for quite some time but never, until now, felt compelled to write.

I had the opportunity to pick up my child from elementary school the other day. Upon arriving I looked up at the flag they were flying and was shocked to see it ripped, torn, and tattered.

I watched as two young girls went out and brought in the flag. The end result was one of the girls rolling the flag into a ball and bringing it inside the building.

I am planning on meeting with the principal this week to see if something can be done. If need be I will purchase a new flag for the school if they don't have enough money but there is also a cub scout pack there so I am thinking, shouldn't the cub scouts bring the flag in or at least teach the other kids and adults the proper way of bringing in a flag.

Have any of you seen this also?

I wish we had the patriotism displayed after 9/11 but I guess that is only reserved for after disasters