I read everyone's comments. It has taken me awhile to get back, and thank everyone! Lifeseems so tough, but recently I have found out how many really, really great friends I have, and yes, I won't be alone. I have a tendacy (sp) to be overly sensitive, it has been a blessing drawing wise, but it can get in the way of living/ working etc. I basically lost my job b ecause I am emotional, and one has to be very controled when taking care of people that are retarted, and have additional conditions such as Prader Wille. I just couldn't take the lies, and their totally self absorption. My Mom had just died,and that alone was so consuming. But I am out od a job! I am glad I am not working with those individual, and I have some money from my Mom that has allowed me to survive, and I have been kept so busy doin g portraits of my friends, but the day will come that I will have to decide what I can do to afford living.
And yet, what is sooo positive here is, that I have found so many really, really nice people. I had gotten a bit cynical, but these wonderful people have given me hope, love, honestly, ande all those positive thin gs one hopes are in a family, so guess what? I didn't loose a family, I gained one..yea
So as what someone said to me, just hang in their! I am gratefully!
THANKI YOU ALL!!!
the is the first year that I am going through the holiday season without my Mom. It has been hard this year. I found out due to my Mom's will that I may haave been the first, but by no means the favorate. My sister had mental lymphoma. I was her stem cell donor. My brother had throat cancer, and had half his neck removed to get rid of the cancer. he looks strenge when u first look at him, but after awhile one gets used to it. My sister has had difficulty getting her amune system back to normal. They r both cancer free, but were of great concern to my parents.
My brother has saying attached to him, never, never be his enemy! He wrote a very hateful letter to me when my son was in the hopital recuperating from a very serious accident. He almost died, and had brain injury. I had left a dinner he made for me because I wanted to be with my son, and my father had asked him to please remember charity begins at home. My brother had been giving to charities in our names for Christmans presents for a couple years...my brother mad me his enemy. My parents stood by my side until jay told them of his cancer, and they welcome him back with open arms, and in a way I was forgotten again.
My sister always knew how to deal with my parents, and she was Dad's baby girl. Well Dad helped build a home on their property, so when he died, my sister could be cared by Mom and Mom could be cared by my sister. I lived far away. My sister has a cute, adorable daughter, and she got $500,000.00, my sister got the beautiful house on Chesapeake bay worth millions. Jay and I shared the rest. My son got nothing!!!!
I was upset, not because of what I go or didn't get, but that my son was left out of the will totally, like he didn't exist, that hurt more than anything in the world. Then they got upset I got upset. I tried to find things at the house that my son might like to make up for his loss, but all i heard was that is for Katie, my sister's daughter. It was very cruel, but I realized this was something my sister had worked towards for a long time. she can have all that material stuff. My Mom was gone, and I never got to say good bye. I just wanted to know if my Mom loved me, was I such a pain in the ass that my siblings act like I am.
At Mom's memorial, the siblings didn't tell me that the man that was going to speak for Mom, couldn't do it, so they got together and created nice things to say about Mom, but they did not ask me. they once again left me out.
My sister sent an email telling me she has shingles (pay backs r tough) and moving into Mom's house. Oh yes Happy thanksgiving. Not a word from the brother, he has blocked me from his email. He hates me, but I know karma will hit him soon too. You reap what you sew!!!
Christmas will be the same, but I have decorated my house , and I am determined to have a nice quiet Christmas with my son. He is the only family I have left, blood family that is.
A positive note, I have never blogged before, I now have a family and friends that accept me, and are around when I need them. They are my Christmas present. I will miss Mom to the day i die, but I have a new family now. I have faith that life will be new , but better!
