JANICELPED's Blog

I knew that times were hard all over but I had no idea that times were as bad as they are for us. Given everything that has been going on with us the last two months  with me being in the hospital twice it never occured to me that we were in such bad shape until I got the phone call  from our mortgage company wanting to know where the payment was for December. $800 dollars might as well be $10,000. I had no clue since I spent the whole second week of December in the hospital with a bloodclot in my leg and another one in my lung. Of course he's not gonna tell me this since it's only gonna upset me even more . Now I sit here and have to wonder how much longer I'm gonna have my home and haven't stopped crying ever since. We've lived in our home for 15 years and have put our heart and soul into fixing this place up. It was his Grandma's home before it was ours. Now I sit here and wonder how many days I have left in my home and have to worry about how it's gonna affect our son if we lose the only home he has ever known. We have a mortgage company that is the most heartless bunch of people I have ever known and they could care less about helping us keep our home. I don't know what to do now except cry some more and pray that we don't end up homeless . What a way to start out the New Year. Say some prayers please because that may be the only way we can save our home.

I saw first hand today that  some people wouldn't know what common sense was if they looked it up in the dictionary. I was in the Walmart parking lot parked about half way down the middle isle. I was sitting in my car trying to put my reciepts away  and count my change when a lady came by pushing a buggy with a child in it that looked about 1 year old. She happened to be in the car next to me. I saw her take the child out of the buggy and put her in her car seat, put her keys and purse in the car then took the buggy back to the cart area the whole time leaving her baby behind sitting in the car. This lady has no idea who I am. As far as she knows I could be looking for a child to grab and by the time she got back to her car me and the baby would have been gone. I won't leave my son alone in the car and he's 10! There are so many parents out there that have lost their child to creeps that have nothing better to do than take other people's kids and this woman was so far away she would have never made it back in time to save her child. I still can't figure out what this lady was thinking. She only had one bag in the buggy so all she had to do was take her out of the buggy , grab the bag and walk the rest of the way with her child leaving the buggy where it belongs. If something had happened to her child she would have been the one crying about her missing child and she would have been missing because of her stupidity. Makes you wonder if she is even capable of caring for a child somehow. That's just sad.

Well as we get ready to say goodbye to 2008 and start another year my wish for all of you is to have a safe, happy and prosperous 2009 filled with happiness and good health. Sometimes we take for granted the things we have when we don't even realize that what we have is more important than the things we don't. IF you have your health then you really do have it all. Be grateful that you have lived to see another year start and when the year ends be grateful that you are still here to see it end. I for one never take one day for granted and consider myself lucky when I live to see another year start. So may times we take life for granted when really each day is a gift. As we welcome in the New Year be grateful that we still have each other and the ability to welcome in the new year as we like. With our family and friends. Stay safe and Happy New Year to all my blogging friends out there. HAPPY 2009!!!!!!

As we get ready to celebrate Christmas and the New Year there will be many parties and many people celebrating with drinks of various kinds. If you do drink PLEASE make sure you take someone with you so that not only YOU but everyone else makes it back home this holiday season. If you kill yourself then it's YOUR family and friends that are left behind to morn your loss . If you kill someone else then you not only have to live with the fact that YOU are responsible for taking someone else from their family and friends  but another family has lost their loved one and no one's life is worth drinking and driving drunk. Take a friend, family member or take a cab!! Lets keep this holiday season happy for all so we don't have to lose ANYONE to a DRUNK driver. Happy holidays and stay safe!!!

Now that they have determined that the bones are that of little Caylee I am glad that at least we know where she is. It is so sad to know that this poor child was dumped out like a piece of trash and no human deserves that. Even though we may never know what really happened to the poor little girl at least there is and end to this no matter how sad it is. The only person on earth that knows the answers to what REALLY happened to her isn't talking and regardless of if it was an accident or not she dumped out her child like a piece of trash and that is just DISGUSTING!!! Casey Anthony is in the right place and I hope that they leave her there. I can't think of ANY mother I know that would dump out their childs body and leave it to rot like a stray dog . This is not the actions of a caring mother. I hope they have lots of sedatives for her cause she's gonna need them. Rest in peace now little Caylee. You are with the angels.

I recently ran into a woman at Walmart that had me scratching my head in wonder because she seems to be missing the whole meaning of the Christmas season. I only went in to grab a few cards so as I passed her in a isle I noticed that she seemed to be overwhelmed. Her buggy was full to overflowing and she looked completly lost. I stopped to ask her if she would like me to go get her another buggy so I could help her go to the checkout. She told me that she was waiting on her friend to catch up because she had the other buggy. I said that she must have lots of kids and she just laughed and said that she only had three but they each had to have at least 12 gifts each or it wasn't Christmas. After all that's what Christmas was all about. I looked at her and said well actually the real meaning wasn't how many gifts you had under the tree but being with your family and friends to celebrate the real meaning of the season. She said that as long as the family members came in with presents her kids would hug anybody and laughed like it was a big joke. She informed me that her kids loved Christmas because of all the presents. They really didn't care that much for the Christmas story anyway. This is what her kids think Christmas is all about. Not family, not the birth of baby Jesus but gifts and how many you could get. This is just sad to me. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I really never cared how many presents I had under my tree even as a kid. Even now my son dosn't care how many he gets because he just loves the whole "spirit" of Christmas with the tree and the lights and Santa, and the manger scene. I really feel bad for those kids because they will never know the real meaning of Christmas. Merry Christmas to all of you.

I have been doing this for a year now and in the past year I have made many new friends even though we have never met. I consider all of you my friends and it has been all of you that have kept me from completly falling apart sometimes. I can come here and if only for a half an hour try to forget about my health and all my problems and visit my friends. The support and encouragement that you give me helps me to make it thru some really difficult times. My wish is for all of you to have a safe and happy holiday season with those you love and that the next year ahead will bring happiness and good health to us all. May all of you have a Merry Christmas and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers. Happy Holidays to you all!!!!!

I'm writing this blog for a special reason and if it might help just one person one day it served it's purpose. I had been busy putting up Christmas decorations for a while and on December the 1st I got out of bed with a pain in my lower left leg. Naturally the first thing that came to my mind was that I had really overdone it. Nothing new to me cause it dosn't take much for my body to complain. By Thursday it was not any better and by the weekend it was all I could do to put any weight on it. Tuesday morning I called the Dr's office when they opened to make an appointment and as my luck would have it someone beside's the receptionist answered the phone. I told her my leg had been hurting for a week and it was getting worse and I needed an appointment. A.S.A.P! She told me that the office was full so there was no way I could get in today so I told her an appointment was fine. She asked me again how long it had been that way, put me on hold, came back on and told me if I would be there at 9:00 they would work me in. That NEVER happens but I got there at 10 till and only waited an hour. Thew Dr looked at my leg and told me they were gonna send me to get a sonogram. I thought this was to check for torn muscles or ligaments or something. He wrote STAT on it and I went directly to the hospital. As she's doing the sonogram I was thinking how do you fix a muscle when she tells me " I need to call your Dr and let him know you have a blood clot in your leg behind your knee". I was shocked and scared. How can it be a bloodclot? WHY?!!  My Dr admitted me on the spot and after doing a  CAT scan on my chest found another on on my lung. I had no clue. No shortness of breath, nothing. All this from what I thought was nothing more serious than a pulled muscle. NEVER take anything for granted if it dosn't get any better. Had that other woman not answered the phone who knows how long it would have taken me to get in.  I  had waited thinking it was nothing serious. I will NEVER do that again. I just got out of the hospital today  and am now on blood thinners. PLEASE don't wait if it dosn't seem right!! I don't want to lose any of my blogging friends. When in doubt check it out!!!

Most of you here know that I have a 10 year old son with Autism. Sometimes it takes him longer to understand things than it does for a child without it so it took us 7 years to get him to understand who Santa is and what he does every Christmas eve. It has taken a little longer to get him to understand the birth of baby Jesus but I tried to explain it to him in a way that he could hopefully understand. I told him that a long, long time ago God gave us a special baby on Christmas eve and he was so special that the shepards that were watching their sheep and wise men came from far away to come see this special baby. They followed a bright star to the spot where the special baby was born. Now every year on Christmas we celebrate the baby Jesus birthday. As he watched me take the nativity out of the box and put each piece in the manger I told him what each piece was and why it was important. He watched me without saying a word and when I was done he looked at me , reached in and picked up the baby Jesus and did something that I have been doing to him for years. He kissed him and said with a kiss between each word just like I have said to him." The most special boy in the whole, big, wide, world and I love you"  Then he looked at me and said "He's a special boy just like me right mama?. It was all I could do to hold myself together but I said to him that both him and baby Jesus are special little boys and that their mama loves them very much and on Christmas we celebrate his birthday. He carefully put him back in the manger and said" I love Christmas mama and it's gonna be the best Christmas EVER!!" Now if this dosn't show you true meaning of Christmas I guess nothing will. I am so very lucky to be blessed with this child and wish every parent could have a moment like this just once. My Christmas is complete.  I had to share this with all of you. Merry Christmas

Well folks I've lived in Plant City my whole life and can honestly say I have NEVER been as scared as I was today. At about 9:30 this morning all hell broke loose and every police, sheriff and swat vechicle you could ever want pulled in to my street and I was home alone wondering what was going on. Then the helecopters started swarming over my house and I was being told to stay in my house and lock my doors. All I could think was that this has to be serious but still wasn't sure what was going on. I knew that a man had been killed last night here in town so I kinda figured it had something to do with that.. Then I saw it on the news and realized I was in the middle of this whole mess. There were cops in bullet proof vest walking up and down my street and cop after cop driving up and down my road. I am so thankful that they were out there keeping me safe while their own life was in danger. This is a man that isn't afraid to use a gun on anyone that got in his way and because of them I felt better just knowing they were there . I hope they put him away for life because he dosn't deserve to ever walk in public again. He caused so many problems for so many people and so much fear in everyone . No matter what others may think I saw for myself the men walking around to protect us and I thank them!!

At this time of the year I often think back to when I was  little girl and remember some of the things I loved most about my childhood. I was raised by my mom and Grandma and Grandaddy in a little farm house with a fireplace and front porch and lots of cat's. My mom didn't marry the man I came to love as my dad until I was 16 so until then it was just us . One of my most special memories was on Christmas eve when my Grandaddy would tell me I needed to get to bed early because Santy Claus was gonna come down the chimmney and I needed to get to sleep. I would always run to the fireplace and get the foot of my p.j's nice and hot and run like heck to the bed before they got cold. My Grandaddy was always up long before the sun was up and he would get the fire going in the fireplace so the house was always nice and warm when he'd come and wake me up by opening the door and saying" Ya'll get up cause Santy Claus has been here"!! The tree would be on and the fire going in the fireplace and all the presents around the tree. Our tree was always cut from branches from the old ceder tree in our front yard and mama would wire them together to make the most beautiful tree you could ever ask for. It stood in the corner so you could see it from the front porch. My mama would sit at the bottom of the tree and pass out the presents but one year Santa left one of mine out on the back porch. It was my first bicycle and it was picked out by my grandaddy just for me. It had a basket so all my baby dolls could ride with me and even a cat or two . I am so glad to have those memories today because they are what makes me a part of the person I am today. Now what are some of your favorite Christmas memories.

At this time of the year it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle that we sometimes forget about important things like the people in out lives that we may see only a few times a year. The rest of the year we are busy with life in general and sometimes people that we love and care about just pushed to the back. This time of year is when we really need to remember those that we love be they family or friend. 9 years ago we had a wonderful Thanksgiving with the whole family. Mom, Dad and all the sisters, brothers, cousins.  We were so happy just to be together. Our son had just turned one. Then the day after Thanksgiving our life changed forever because Dad had a stroke. Today would have been his birthday. He really died on his birthday but the miracles of todays medicing brought him back. He was never gonna be the same again if he had woke up because his brain was damaged so on Dec 3 we turned off the machine that kept him alive and we let him go. Our life has never been the same. You never know when you step out that door if those you love will come back to you so always take those few extra minutes just to let them know that you love them. And at this time of year remember those that you might have forgotten. Take time to tell your family and friends that they are important to you so that you never have to say I wish I could have told them I love them one more time. Have a safe and memorable holiday season .

Ok so the turkey and ham are gone and now it's time to pull out all the holiday decorations. As I look at the looming pile of containers I have waiting in front of me I keep asking myself why and how do I get myself into this mess? Every year it seems to take longer and longer to get it up and then there's the never ending problem of checking every single string BEFORE I put it up. I had such high hopes of getting most of the outside stuff last week but spent half of that week in the hospital so once I got out all this became a must do just so I could have it ready by Thanksgiving. I worried and worried about it all and last night after we got the tree up and turned on and decorated my son looked at me and said "Oh mama it's so beautiful".  Suddenly I realized that as long as he had his tree nothing else mattered. In the eyes of a child they can see past what you can not. I see boxes and boxes and he sees beauty. I think about a song from a group from the 80's called Air Supply  and the words of the song."In the eyes of a child there is love, there is laughter" and if we could all see the world thru the eyes of a child how much more would we be able to see? Now even though I have lots and lot's more to do with every thing I put up the smile on the face of my son and the happiness it brings to him is helping me work past my pain and frustruation of having so much to do and I hope that as we all get ready for the season we can see it thru the eyes of our kids . So I have lots to do and a little boy to make happy so off I go. Wish me luck and a few prayers couldn't hurt either. BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP!!!

I saw the story that Doug Smith did about the thug that got out of prison BEFORE his time and was just disgusted. What I don't understand is WHY any judge in his right mind would let this piece of trash back out in society? We're not talking about a traffic ticket or even one or two arrest. This creep has a rap sheet longer than your arm so we're not talking about someone that learns from his mistakes here. This is not a person that has any remorse for anything he has ever done and never will. This state trooper would still be alive except for the fact that a judge somewhere let him out and even gave him credit for the time he had already served. Why  does this happen? If this had happened to one of our family members or our friends we would always be angry about the fact that they would not be dead except for the fact that a judge made a BIG mistake and an innocent person paid with their life. There may be very few that live and learn from their mistakes but I say three strikes and you're in there for life. How many more innocent people will die because of this? I would hate to be the judge that did this because I would forever feel guilty about MY mistake of letting this piece of trash back out again. I hope he NEVER gets out this time and hope he rots in there or dies from our hands or Gods.

When I was in the hospital from last Sunday till Wednesday I heard that several times. Why are you on disability? I guess people think that in order to be disabled you need to be missing an arm, leg, hand or foot. Maybe they think that I'm just faking it because I don't want to work. Well you can't get disability without a reason and I've been on it since 2001. My problems are all on the inside so you can't see them but they are all there. I was a kindergarten teacher for 14 years and I loved my job. If not for my health I would still be doing it but you can't make children understand why you can't jump on your back or get them to stand in place while you go running for a restroom. I had Ulcerative colitis for 4 years until my colon ruptured in 2004. It's a miracle I'm still here. You can look that disease up on Web MD. To gross to explain here. People see how young I am and think that she can't possibly have any health problems. I have more than you can ever imagine. The degenerative disc disease in my back is so bad that it is almost bone on bone. That's the reason for all my pain. People judge what they see and you can't always see a persons disabilities. I wish that people everywhere would try to understand that just because you can't see something dosn't mean it's not there. I don't want special treatment I just don't want people thinking I'm faking things because I don't look disabled. I'm only in my 40's but feel 80. Life is hard when you live  in this much pain but I try to get up every morning with a smile on my face and be the best mom and wife that I can be. And I thank God every day that I'm still here to do it pain or no pain! All I ask is that people don't judge others. Bless all.