ChrisMerchant's Blog

We've come a long way thanks to Ike.

    The shrimp that families in Indianapolis will be having for dinner tonight, over 1000 miles away from where they were caught in Tampa Bay, were probably swimming 4 days ago. This concept is common place today. Just 50 years ago, the cost of 40,000 pounds of shrimp being maintained at -10F and transported 1000 miles would have been astronomical. Now: $2500.
    Lieutenant Colonel Dwight David Eisenhower, who later became a General and the Supreme Allied Commander during WWII, was an observer on the first Transcontinental Motor Convoy in 1919. The Convoy took what we now call "the scenic route" from Washington DC to San Francisco, predominantly taking US 30 from Gettysburg west. It took 2 months. Today it takes 4 days.
    The Interstate System, which bears Eisenhower’s name today, was built for the purpose of transporting government freight (commonly known as military equipment, troops and supplies) and the development of interstate commerce. It's not there for cars... they came as an afterthought. It was designed for trucks and the military.
    Ike saw what Hitler did with the Autobahn and expanded on it, 100-fold. That's pretty neat, huh? Guess what else he installed...

    Ike was the most powerful General EVER. Sun Tzu, Gengis Khan, Hannibal, Xerxes, they had nothing on him. Ike was a great chess player. The loops or bypasses around every major metropolitan area, you know, the roads that make going around a city easier, like 287 in New York, 265 in Louisville, and 417 here in Orlando. Yeah, that really quick way to avoid all those lights and traffic? Imagine a sentry every 10 feet with an M16 on his shoulder and a tank every 100 yards. That bypass is also there in the event of a civil insurrection.

And you wonder why I worry about who becomes the next President...

For those of you who remember me: The Thought Police failed. :-)

 

Do you have a red shirt on today? It's Friday. It's supposed to show your support for the troops. I'm reminded of a cadence, drilled into my "grape" by a Drill Instructor at Parris Island.

 Back in 1775
My Marine Corps came alive
First there came the color gold
To show the world that we are bold
Then there came the color red
To show the world the blood we shed
Then there came the color green
To show the world that we are mean
Then there came the color blue
To show the world that we are true

 

The Marine Corps flag is a field of RED with GOLD lettering, honoring the BLOOD shed by the BOLD defending this country and the freedoms we all enjoy.

 Are you wearing red?

Was your American Flag "Hecho en Mexico"? China?

This is it, Central Florida is about to experience it's economic demise.

The three thugs that shot at deputies yesterday did so in the middle of Tourist Mecca. Nationwide attention drawn once again to the Tourist Capitol of the World. 88 arrests between them, most felony level, according to Sheriff Baley.

We're screaming about tax cuts. The judicial system cuts these American Terrorists free again and again to commit more crimes. 3 Orange County Deputies were shot at yesterday in 2 incidents. What's the answer?

 How's this:

• Build bigger prisons
• More presence, more cops, more risk for the bad guys
• Keep the criminals in jail

 

If the public, domestic and international, have a negative impression of their safety in Central Florida,  they're not coming here on vacation. Florida will be known for it's beaches, NASA, and the crime ridden section in the middle where Mickey and Spiderman used to live.

We've heard them all before:

The French are always there when they need us.

For Sale: French Army rifle, never fired, dropped once.

After the fireworks at EuroDisney, a company of French soldiers surrendered to Mickey.

Fighting a war w/o France is like duck hunting w/o the accordion.

 

Reality: If a GIGN (French CTU) sniper is tasked to kill you, you will be dead soon; get your affairs in order.

Reality: CASMs (French SEALs) and Commandos (there are 4 division that are similar to the Rangers or Marines) train with their American and British cousins regularly. FOR A REASON; they're good. (We have the advantage of being able to sneak up on our targets without worrying about wind direction)

 OK. I'll stop.

Yes, we can poke fun at the French; Lord knows they poke enough fun at us. (OK, one more: Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of a Mexican victory over the French; can you imagine if we celebrated every time the French lost? We'd be sober twice a year!)

 The French are rioting because a conservative won an election. (Sounds familiar)

I've heard that real estate in Israel is skyrocketing because French Jews are moving to Israel in droves because of the increasing persecution they face from the increasing Muslim population.

 

This will be an interesting time in history to look back upon. Like I've said, it's August of 1939.

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I'm not sure if this is News of Entertainment, or Entertainment News. Hmm. Another conundrum.  

 
Recently, I heard a quote alleged to be a Chinese proverb: No problem leaves you where you found it.

Upon doing further research, I've discovered that Confusious or whomever came up with it is right. Every problem you encounter will cause you to think about it, even if you're not tackling the problem. Need proof of my conclusion? Don't think about pink elephants.

I'll bet your mind went back to a cartoon you saw as a child, something dealing with a drunken character...

The problem: How do you have a commercial (as in "for profit") radio station with out long commercials? ('cuz after all, all we want is more music) 

ClearChannel Radio in Dallas has just launched digital radio that has no commercials. The concept is simple, a company will buy an hour of airtime and the product gets woven into conversation; remember the Jim Carry movie "The Truman Show"?

 
Guess what!

In which category to post this blog; that is my conundrum.

There shall be some humor; “Entertainment” would be in order.

It will be topical; “News” would be in order.

It’s definitely opinionated; so it might get censored.

Hmm…

I’m glancing over a few different postings and comments on today’s blogs. There’s the usual: generic liberal bashing of conservative, generic conservative bashing of liberal, random shots at various politicians, the occasional mention of illegal immigrants, friendly name calling and chiding about some people’s tendencies to do this or that, comments on VA Tech and gun control, crime, war funding or justification; then it dawns on me: I am doing it again!

Have you ever noticed how spelling and grammar affect your opinion of the idea being portrayed in the writing? Perhaps a blogger’s opinion/question/position is valid, but due to his lack of practice with prose, you write him off as a dolt and dismiss anything he states. What of the blogger’s age? I take it into consideration in most instances; assuming the naïve questions of the junior set are based on the relative lack of life experience. Now, compound that with a consistent spelling or grammatical error pattern, and, hopefully, you will see my point. But what if said pattern is consistently in the composition of an adult?

I have made similar comments before (we all remember my polite yet honest opinion of Truthguys’s spelling skills: “Colonel, your spelling sucks, Sir” and my entry from January of this year: “Has the common denominator killed common sense?”) and have been accused of being erudite and elitist. One responder suggested I shove my opinion up my college “edjudikated” posterior. This vexes me; please read on…

Before I continue: I would like to point out that this posting to this point contains 7 semi-colons (ok, now 8); all properly placed. It also contains: 4 instances of quotation marks, 4 occurrences of colons, 5 eliminations of the “Oxford” or “Harvard” comma (now 6), one instance of poly-slash usage, a parenthetical sidebar, a correct usage of an apostrophe when confronted w/showing possessiveness of a singular noun ending in “s”, and 2 ellipsis (…). There is one other thing:

I graduated high school with a 2.8 GPA, in essence flunked out of my only year in college and have spent the bulk of my adult life piloting a semi-tractor trailer combination vehicle across this great land.

Why is it that I, a mere truck driver, have the desire to express myself in such a manner when it comes to stating that which I hold most dear, MY OPINION – a right guaranteed to me by the founding fathers of this, the greatest nation in the history of the world, and by the 1.2 million American Veterans since 1775 that have sacrificed their lives for that right which we all hold so dear (http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0004615.html) - and others don’t take the time to run a simple spell-check? Am I being erudite and elitist? Does anyone else hold this opinion? I mean not to offend with this, but GEESH! You’re putting things up on a highly publicized website that is accessed around the world! Google’s Firefox web browser has a spell-check function that’s automatic, and it’s free!

OK, I’m off the soapbox. Tell me what you think…

THIS MESSAGE IS FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF THOUGHT POLICE, CONSTITUTION DESTRUCTION DIVISION.

Mr. Christopher Merchant, AKA Chase MacLeod as a radio/TV pseudo-name, has made comments in the past that have been considered offensive to a small group of people. Predominantly, his comments have offended less than 10% of the population as a whole.

Due to the continued, stepped up efforts of anti-hate speech groups, Mr. Merchant (AKA Chase MacLeod) is having his constitutional rights to free speech suspended. Mr. Merchant (AKA Chase MacLeod) is hereby not permitted to speak in public forums or post his opinion on any web site until his rights to free-speech have been returned to him.

This action has been taken against Mr. Merchant (AKA Chase MacLeod) because of comments he has made in the past regarding the following:
A) The migration of workers over national boundaries and the legality of said migration and the willingness of those workers to work for wages that are what he feels is un-acceptable, drawing down what is internationally considered an exorbitant lifestyle.
B) The ratios of crimes committed by various groups, specifically calling attention to education level, parental status, citizenship status, vocational status, racial status, musical preference, apparel, and ability to converse in the English language.
C) The collection and use of tax dollars
D) The ability of current leaders
E) The decisions of the aforementioned leaders

Mr. Merchant has been remanded into a special program to have his thoughts and opinions re-shaped so that he does not offend anyone again. Similar programs have been established for others. For example:
A) For entertainers
1) “The Dixie Chicks”
2) Sean Penn
3) Michael Moore
4) Tim Robbins

B) For television personalities
1) Rosie O’Donnell
2) Bill Maher
3) Colin Quinn

C) For radio personalities
1) Don Imus
2) Rush Limbaugh
3) Glenn Beck
4) Sean Hannity
(Please note that the programs for Mr. Limbaugh, Mr. Beck, and Mr. Hannity do not seem to be working as planned. They are being modified as we speak.)

Mr. Merchant (AKA Chase Macleod) will return once his re-programming has been completed.

This story didn't get much airtime in Orlando, if any. At one time, a mere 6 years ago this week, I was the afternoon and evening reporter for Money 570, WTBN in Tampa. Through a neat little contract deal, I actually worked for WFLA NewsChannel 8 as a part of their news team. My desk was in the middle of the newsroom; my friends were the reporters on TV. I filled in for the financial reporter on the 6 and 11 newscasts a few times. I was a talking head...

 

It's not the Fox station, so I doubt it's even been reported on Fox 35... no hard feelings there, guys.

 

John Winter, the morning meteorologist on NewsChannel 8 for a dozen years, killed himself yesterday. John was a friend... 39 years old, a beautiful wife, a fantastic career that was only going up....

 

What causes someone like him to do this?  My life has taken a huge spiral downwards in the past few years, but I'm recovering and making it happen. He had it all. How are we so different so that he felt this was necessary? I don't expect any answers... just a few ideas.

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Let me preface this with a few statements:

*1) I have a Class A Commercial Driver's License, the average motorist has a Class D.

*2) I have been driving Class 6 through 9 vehicles for the past 14 years, the bulk of it in Class 8. (Class 6 is a dump truck, class 8 is a 5 axle semi, and class 9 is more than 5 axles and heavier than 80,000 pounds, often wider or longer than normal.) I've driven both Classes 8 and 9 here in Orlando.

*3) I have driven over two MILLION miles without an accident. (The average person drives 12,000 per year. In 40 years, the average person will not drive 1/4 of what I have.)

*4) I have worked for 2 road construction companies, one in Ohio and one here in Florida.

*5) In the past decade, I have not received a citation for any infraction of any traffic law.

*6) With all of my experience, the most important mile: the next one. 

 

In my years driving a truck, I've seen my share of accidents. Whether it was the 48 car pile-up on I-80 in snow covered Pennsylvania when 23 died, or the 5 car accident on I-4 last week in Plant City where two died, one thing remains the same: Lack of Attention. The Ohio Highway Patrol has "HUA" listed as the secondary cause of almost every major accident. (Head Up A##) My cousin, a Florida Highway Patrol officer with over 15 years service protecting Manatee County motorists, agrees.

 The one thing I hope you take away from this blog is this: YOU ARE NOT AS GOOD OF A DRIVER AS YOU THINK YOU ARE, NEITHER IS THE OTHER GUY.

"Because it occupies space, all matter has volume and impenetrability, since two objects cannot occupy the same space simultaneously." (The Columbia Encyclopedia, Sixth Edition.  2001-05.) Why quote physics? Ask the 5 who died this morning on the Turnpike. If you can't see, slow down. Everyone is screaming "Why didn't they shut the road down?" I'm asking "Why didn't the people involved in the collision slow down when they couldn't see???"

 Speed kills. The faster a vehicle moves, the more inertia is has.

*If you can't stop in the distance you can see, slow down.

*If you're not sure if you should speed up to pass the guy on your right to make the exit ramp, slow down and go around behind him, you need to slow down for the ramp anyways.

Let's talk inertia for a second:

*Which has more force behind it? A Honda Civic doing 80 or a Ford F-150 doing 55? The Civic. The Civic also has less of a tire-footprint on the ground, therefore more of a chance of rolling over at speed.

*What's the average weigh of a semi truck? That honestly varies, depending on application. A good run-of-the-mill average weight is 75k pounds. A 75,000 truck moving at 55 MPH will hit an object with a force in excess of 6,250,000 pounds of force. That little car or SUV you're driving will not win if you're in a collision with a semi-tractor trailer. Period. You will be lucky to be alive after the collision. Just ask the 5 that died this morning.

 


What about that road construction worker you drove past today? What if something happened and he tripped into the lane as you went zipping by him too fast? You'd probably survive the collision. Provided his buddies in The Zone weren't caught up in a fit of rage and didn't rip you to pieces (They'd probably get off with probation for doing so, by the way) You'd possibly spend a year in prison for vehicular manslaughter. That worker you killed? Don't worry, his kids will go to college, thanks to the insurance companies. They'll probably live a better life, because Mommy will have no debts because the life insurance will pay off the mortgage and the cars.  The kids will sleep better after a while, too. Daddy won't be leaving the house so early, waking them up in the morning. He won't come home too late at night, either.

 

Top 8 most dangerous jobs? According to Forbes, Construction Worker and Truck Driver are listed as 7 and 8, respectively. (http://www.forbes.com/2002/09/03/0903worksafe.html> )

 

Slow down and pay attention. Put your makeup on at the office or wake up 5 minutes earlier. HANG UP THE PHONE. Is the 3 minutes you save by speeding worth the risk? That's all you save, 3 minutes. And we all go home tonight.

Property taxes, income taxes, sales taxes, capital gains taxes... Taxes are the bane of our existence.

Back a number of years, Steve Forbes introduced the idea of a national sales tax to get rid of the income tax as a part of his political campaign when he ran for President. Economists agree, the idea will work. The concept is called a consumption tax. That which you consume, you pay a tax to consume it.

The concept will hold true here in Florida... People who rent, consume. Tourists consume. Homeowners consume. You won't notice an increase of 1-2% in sales tax, but you will notice a drop in your property taxes on the first of every month.

OK, my girlfriend is razzing me about my clothing choices, so here goes:

 

Where do the Fox35 reporters and anchors get their suits? Yesterday, Glenn's suit made him loose the 15 pounds the camera puts on... This morning, Tom's great tie was upstaged by Jim's pink (!) tie. Come on guys, share the secret!!! 

The IHOP in Casselberry was held up. Considering the neighborhood, and the number of cops that patrol it, not to mention the 55,000+ concealed carry permits in Central Florida, the terrorists that did it were either stupid, or very lucky.

We've got "home invasions" in Longwood, the IHOP down the street getting held up, promising star high school athletes from Lake Brantley getting killed in drug deals, Guardian Angels patrolling the streets, half a ton of marijuana found in a car in Longwood on a residential street where kids play stickball in the road, the list goes on and on.

Remember the rest area killings a number of years back? Disney noticed a drop in their out of state attendance numbers that year. Crime up the street from Universal in MetroWest... remember "MetroWest becomes the OldWest" with the shoot-out in the WalMart parking lot where over 50 shots were fired and nobody was hit?

This area will economically die if the attractions start to notice a decline in attendance over a few years. The weather is nice, but people will move where there's less crime out of self-preservation. Property values will drop.


This is the City Beautiful! This is the Tourist Capitol of the World! What's going on??? Do we need more police? Do we need more community involvement? It's time to stop talking about how bad it is and change it! We need to figure out what the problem is and address it NOW!

The following is a press release from a friend who is helping to organize a benefit concert. Big name country stars!


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
23 January 2007

CONTACT:
Janette Luttrell - JanetteLuttrell@cableone.net or
Maya Hall - my3pyramds@aol.com
10585 Three Rivers Road, Ste. 7
Gulfport, MS 39503
(228) 223-5433 / (302) 465-5308
www.AllStarJamboree.com


ALL STAR JAMBOREE
A 3-Day Country/Western Music Festival

American Legion Post 119 of Gulfport Mississippi is proud to sponsor the first ever 3-day country/western Jamboree at the Harrison County Fairgrounds in Gulfport Mississippi. The goal of this event is multi-purposed. First to rebuild the Gulf Coast Legion Posts destroyed during Hurricane Katrina and second to replenish the national American Legion Emergency Fund which was depleted by recent national disasters.
The event will take place over a three-day period: March 23rd, 24th and 25th inside the Harrison Country Fairgrounds located at 15321 County Farm Road in Gulfport, Mississippi 39503. The event will feature well known musical artists such as Gretchen Wilson, John Michael Montgomery, Clint Black, Travis Tritt, Moe Bandy, T. Graham Brown, Eddy Raven, and more. This will be a five (5) year annual event.
There will be something for everyone to enjoy during the Festival. There are 3 main concerts, two 7-9pm evenings, Friday and Saturday and one 9:00pm Sunday night. The rest of the weekend presents local performers, a Battle of the Bands and more than 100 workshops, classes, and sessions. Food vendors, instrument makers and a juried craft show provide a festive atmosphere.
Ticket Pricing: 3-day $75 1-day $35

For more information a complete program schedule of activities and sponsor information is available online at: www.AllStarJamboree.com or
Contact: JanetteLuttrell@cableone.net or my3pyramds@aol.com
Phone: (228) 223-5433 / (302) 465-5308

So which causes backups: the mis-timed traffic lights, or half of the people in their cars not paying attention?

Why is it that no matter what time of day I travel, I always end up behind some sweet, elderly lady trying to go to the grocer at ten MPH under the speed limit in the left lane?

Why is it that people will sit in a left turn lane, controlled by a 5 lamp light that reads green, with no oncoming traffic?

If gas is a nickel cheaper on the other side of the street on my way to work, why is it the same price both ways on my way home?

Why does the landscape company who handles JYP north of I4 insist on parking their vehicles in the travel lanes with no warning that the lane is blocked during rush hour?

If the Turnpike Commission is willing to put windshield washing stations up in service plazas, why isn't the Toll Authority putting up car washes?

Any thoughts or other questions why?

I've had a request or two from people for something humorous again, like the blog I posted yesterday in Entertainment and the jokes from a few days ago.

THIS IS OVER A YEAR OLD:

I’ve recently moved to Orlando. I’ve been amazed at the difference in culture, as well as “the way things are”. I’m not talking about the Hispanic influence, or the climatic influences on culture.

I’ve taken a job with a construction/deconstruction company. We break things. Sometimes it’s a controlled break to assist with the building of something else. (I’m not giving it away because I don’t want anything legal to happen). The gent who was training me the other day pulled out a small pipe that resembled a 12 volt cigarette lighter. He lit it a few times over the course of the day. Peculiar odor; frankly, I’ve never smelled that particular brand of tobacco… Welcome to Florida.

We break big things; concrete walls, buildings, roads, bridges. His smoking of a tobacco of unusual origin was disconcerting to say the least, considering what we were doing at the time. Not to mention driving the #20,000 truck. I expressed my concerns to my boss, who told me that there was nothing he could do about it. This was disconcerting as well. I know that marijuana use is rampant in this particular side of the construction trade. In discussions with a few other people in the industry, the job market in Florida, Orlando in particular, is booming because the area is growing. The company I work for has given up running help wanted ads because the job we do is as physical as it is; people can find a job paying the same with less work involved. Welcome to Florida.

I called my cousin, who is a VP in the Human Resources department of a large company here in Florida. After the initial “WHAT???” she told me that if my boss is condoning it by looking the other way, there was nothing substantial I could do about it. I’d probably wind up becoming a pariah if I made too much noise. Welcome to Florida.

Ok. I’ve been here about a month. This is the weirdest thing. Floridians tell me that it’s always been like this. Florida has two separate offices for dealing with driver’s licenses and vehicle license plates. The state itself handles the driver’s licenses, while the vehicles are handled by a county tax collector. There are certain offices which handle the Commercial Driver’s License (CDL). This is odd to me because I am from Ohio, where it’s all handled through one state office. Welcome to Flor…. NO! Not yet… In order for me to get my vehicle plated here, I need to have a Florida Driver’s License. Makes sense, right? In order for me to get that, I need to have 2 forms of ID. My Ohio Commercial Driver’s License, which to obtain I needed a birth certificate, social security card, 2 utility bills with my name and current address on them, a local criminal background check, AND a Department of Homeland Security Background check, isn’t good enough. I also need to have a birth certificate, which is easily forged, or a certificate of baptism, which is even easier to forge! Welcome to Flor… OH NO, this gets better…

BEFORE I can apply for the Florida CDL, I need to have proof of Florida motorist insurance. In order to get the insurance, I need to have a Florida plated vehicle to insure. But I can’t get that until I have a Florida CDL. I will need to get a form from my new insurance agent, who was sooo happy to get my business he didn’t even return my calls, stating that I’ve paid for insurance through them, pending my issuance of a Florida CDL. That form is good for the trip from his office, to the special CDL license office, and back to his office. Upon my return, he will issue me a new certificate and proof of insurance. Then, I need to drive back to downtown Orlando to get my vintage 1975 pickup truck plated at the tax collector’s office. By the way, my plates expired yesterday, Saturday November 12th. The Friday before was Veteran’s Day. The 2 different government offices, which are allegedly two separate entities, have the same operating hours, 730 AM to 6 PM Tuesday through Friday. Welcome to Florida!